Whatever part of the PD team you’re in, you’re not playing in this lifelong game alone. Get into a support group, find a ‘coach’, a ‘captain’, someone who’s been there and can encourage you in your game. Remember… You are not alone.
There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’.
Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
What’s your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
She comes out from behind the curtain. Will she tap dance? Sing opera? Play music on the rims of water-filled crystal glasses?
No, one of this years Miss America comes from behind the curtain dressed in scrubs and donning a stethoscope around her neck. She’s a nurse and she gives a little bit of insight as to what that entails.
Nursing is not your usual talent that is seen or heard at Miss America pageants, but it is a talent. And a gift. Not just anyone has the talent, gift, or guts to pull off that job. But, members of The View, an afternoon gossip show made up of women, felt inclined to mock Miss Colorado for her presentation of being a nurse.
It’s all over the news. Apologies and excuses are being made. Back-pedaling is in full speed, but the damage has been done. Members of The View have shown their realistic level of intelligence while nurses of the world united and demanded an apology. And rightfully so.
Reading up on Kelley Johnson (Miss Colorado), I found she graduated this past spring with a Bachelor of Science degree in nursing from Grand View University and was also valedictorian of her nursing class. Not a simple feat.
View members mocked Johnson for her presentation, asking themselves why Johnson would be wearing a doctor’s stethoscope. I’ll just start with that…
I have had three brain surgeries in the past three years. Between doctor visits in preparation for those surgeries, pre-ops, surgical nurses, before surgery and after surgery nurses – I have seen and been cared for by several nurses, male and mostly, female.
They have held my hand, wiped my brow and covered me with warm blankets. They have inserted needles, changed IV bags, removed stitches. They have cleaned wounds, emptied urnals, freshened soiled linens. They have provided prompt medication, explained procedures, answered urgent calls.
They always wore a stethoscope. And a uniform. And shoes.
They all had a four year degree or they wouldn’t have been able to do what they do. Not all were valedictorians. That is a gift. A talent. An exception. A feat to be admired and honored – certainly not laughed at.
They are there at the doctors beck and call, carrying out his orders. They put the motion to the process, providing the care to get the patient back to optimal health. They are there from beginning to end – the first to greet the patient, the last to see them out the door.
They are the ones to go through the discharge cautions and warnings, tips and transitions, explaining the what’s, why’s, and therefore’s. They are cautious yet capable. They are merciful yet tough.
Talent is defined as a special natural ability or aptitude, a power of mind or body given to a person for use or improvement. It is often defined as a gift.
You have to have a gift for changing bloody, infected bandages, day in and day out. For bathing strangers and assisting someone with a bed urnal. You just don’t sign up for those tasks unless you feel called to serve in that capacity.
A nurse, specifically a RN (registered nurse), must have a four year degree from an accredted college. A firefighter or an emergency medical technician don’t even need a two year degree and yet we trust them unquestionably with our lives. They get thanked, praised, and commended – deservely so. But how often do you see banners posted, thanking nurses for their services after a disaster or tragedy and hospitals are inundated with an onslaught of patients? Just sayin’.
Thank you, The View, for expressing your thoughts and opinions so that we were able to bring attention to where attention is long overdue and give heartfelt thanks to the nurses who pull long, hard hours to assist in keeping us, and those we love, alive.