What Good Is A Man in Your Bed if He Can’t Remember Anything?

They say laughter is the best medicine. Here are some caregiving stories that I have tweeted a tad (names and such) and are guaranteed to give you some much needed ‘medicine’…

Mary’s mom lived in an assisted care facility where everyone left their doors open 24/7. One man with Alzheimer’s was restless and walked the halls endlessly.

On one visit, Mary’s mother mentioned that the man had tried to crawl into bed with her one night.

Mary asked her mother, “What did you do?!”

She told Mary that he was in the wrong room and he left. Then she added, “What good is a man in your bed if he can’t remember anything?”

*****

Lisa’s mom was about in mid stages of Alzheimer’s, and Lisa could still take her mom for rides in her car.

On one such ride, they were doing work on the road, and a guy was holding a stop sign that he would turn to ‘SLOW’, allowing cars to pass.

When Lisa and her mom were approaching the man with the sign, he had turned the sign to ‘STOP.’  In disgust, her mother stated, “That’s ridiculous!!!

Lisa asked, “Why Mama?”

Her mother replied, “Back in my day, they cemented those signs in the ground! They didn’t have to stand there all day and hold them!”

***

One day, after Susan’s grandmother asked where Grandpa was for the umpteenth time, Susan’s dad teased her grandmother with, “He ran off with a pretty, young blonde.”

The grandmother’s instant response was, “Well, I hope he remembers what they’re for!”

***

Anne once cared for a man who had “sundowners” and he roamed through the house at night in the nude. Anne awoke one night to find him roaming around the house in the nude, except that he was wearing a kitchen apron, complete with a pretty bow he had tied in the back.

She told him he looked cute and when Anne asked him why he put it on, he said, “Because I was cold.”

Random Tidbits

Yellow Aster Photo by Sherri Woodbridge
Yellow Aster
Photo by Sherri Woodbridge

With costs soaring at the speed of light, it’s important to cut back where you can. If you want to cut back on electricity, keep your lights turned off and wear a miner’s hat while walking around the house. With the extra money you save, you’ll be able to put it toward the rising cost of your heating bill this winter.

Another way to save is to push your car to work every day. This will not only help get you in better shape, but will undoubtedly attract goodwill from those passing by and allow them the opportunity to do a random act of kindness for you by buying you some gas. Everybody wins.

Sometimes we don’t know what to do with those old telephone books, but they actually make great personal address books. Just cross out the names of the people you don’t know and voile – your personal directory is ready for use!

In terms of safety, it is strongly advised to not attempt to fasten your shoe laces while in a revolving door.

If your car is in need of new brakes and you don’t have the money right now, inquire how much it would be to have the horn made louder.

Some tidbit of advice. No need to thank me. They’re recycled.

Go for the Chocolate

IMG_8434.JPG

The question was posed on a Parkinson’s disease discussion board: “I was wondering if craving sweets is an unusual symptom of Parkinson’s Disease. I am still trying to get acquainted with the ever transforming symptoms of the problem.”

The following replies were posted:

  • “I just got back from the store with a gallon of ice cream, a package of Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies, a chocolate pie and 3 bottles of Magic Shell… so I would have to say yes to your question.”
  • “Let’s see– 3 bags of chocolate covered raisins, a big dark chocolate bar, chocolate ice cream, and chocolate covered donuts…”

The honest to goodness truth of the matter is, Parkinson’s disease takes a lot from a person. It takes your independence, for one. It takes the spring in your step for another and leaves you with an awkward shuffle instead. It takes the swing in your arm and leaves it stiff and motionless. It takes your smile and replaces it with a ‘stone face’ instead. PD, while agreeably, takes away your ability to smell bad things, also takes away your ability to smell most everything else. Good-bye cow dung. Good-bye sweet, fragrant lilacs.

However, while it can and often does take away your sense of taste, it in turn can leave you with a greater sweet tooth.

Now, one could choose to crumble against such losses and complain to those who will stop to listen, but you’ve gotta admit,– this is a priceless gift, however expensive such a luxury may end up costing.

Who could ever imagine such an extraordinary blessing? We don’t need excuses or reasons stretched far and wide, stuffed with lies in order to engage in such a once formidable past time such as sitting by the pool side and eating decadent See’s Candies milk chocolate covered Bordeux’s, sprinkled with chocolate jimmies, washed down smoothly with an iced-cold glass of sweet tea. We need no excuse! We have Parkinson’s disease. And I say, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. Take advantage of each and every blessing it affords you. You’ve gotta start somewhere. My suggestion?

Start with the chocolate. It is one of the four food groups, after all. Right?