In the Midst of Fear and Grief

Biographies of bold disciples begin with chapters of honest terror. Fear of death. Fear of failure. Fear of loneliness. Fear of a wasted life. Fear of failing to know God.

“Faith begins when you see God on the mountain and you are in the valley and you know that you’re too weak to make the climb. You see what you need… you see what you have… and what you have isn’t enough… Faith that begins with fear will end up nearer the Father.” ~Max Lucado

Though we still may not have lost a loved one, grief is still possible to experience. To experience grief, you need not be standing at the foot of a closed casket or next to a hospital bed watching for the next breath of a loved one to be the last. Grief can begin before death. Grief can sweep over you for things lost in life – friendships, quality of life, loss of family relationships, etc.

C.S. Lewis said, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear… the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.”

The comfort I gain from the quote above is that although I know fear does not come from the Father, it can lead us deeper into Him. When you ask what you will do without your best friend, a child, or a parent that has just died, the loss of your quality of life, a wayward child – who will you turn to for encouragement, support, and comfort, it is as if you have just opened the door to the arms of your heavenly Father. It is as if you hear Him whisper, “I want to be all of that for you and more.”

Unfortunately, I have run to the wrong places for comfort before running to the arms of God. I have sought after best friends instead of seeking a greater intimacy with the lover of my soul. I have listened to the counsel of others before praying for guidance from the One who holds my future in His hands. I have sought peace from other means before praying to the God of all comfort.

Yes, God uses others in our lives to help us to grow, but they cannot grow us nor can they give us peace. They cannot fill the hole that only He can and wants to fill. Those people in our lives who we trust with our love, our fears, our hearts – they are needful, just as we are. They are vessels God works through. But, they are not God.

When I hear the word ‘fear’, I think of Psalm 23. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (surgeries, chronic diseases, heart problems, dying marriages, lost children), we do not have to fear anything, for our God is with us. He will never leave us. His rod and His staff, tools used for protection, bring comfort and peace to us.

Fear immobilizes us. Faith gives us courage. And courage happens not because of the absence of fear but because of it. Courage, even though standing with heartache and weeping tears of what can feel like unending sorrow says, “Even though the valley of death surrounds me, I will not fear, because You, my God of all comfort, are here for me.”

We must believe that is true, even when we don’t feel like it is true. Faith and courage do not rest on what or how we feel but on what we believe and know to be true. And one thing I know to be true…

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is His faithfulness. ~Lamentations 3:22-23

Even in the midst of fear.

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