For Better or For Worse

This little monster –

I am going to beat it

I won’t let it control me
while it controls me

Sometimes I think about
the yesterdays
and
the tomorrows

and I want to cry

but I don’t cry

but tonight I cried

because tonight I am reminded

of the yesterdays –

of how life used to be
and look like
and smell like
and taste like
and what they felt like –

those yesterdays

they were pain free
and shake free
and drool free
and falling free
and stiffness free
and cramping free
and medication free

Maybe I cried

because I forget how real this monster is

and little things remind me

how it is not so small

and I have to accept –

all over again –

how this little monster

is now my constant companion

for better
or for worse

and the better
and the worse
are both life-sustaining

as they teach me

the value of living

the value of
a moment
a word
a smile
tears
and giggles

and people

and I am finding
in the worst
there is
something better –

and it is in that better
where I will beat this thing

that strives to beat me

it might control my body
but it will not
control me

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