Some Days

Some days are okay
some days are not

Some days

I just get so tired
of this little monster
following me around
telling me I’m a burden
telling me I’m losing it
telling me I’m not going to get any better

Telling me
shouting to me
that some days
are not okay
that those some days
will someday
come to an end

And I know that
and tears
begin to fall

But some days
are okay

I tell myself
I’m not a burden
that some day
it will end
but not today

Today I will live
to the fullest I can
today I will listen
to the Voice
that beckons me
to not be afraid of this valley
and it’s casting shadows
and to trust
in the One who holds me –
the One who silences
this little monster
and tells me
that some day
it will be over
and that is the day
I will be home

Parkinson’s Disease: For Better or Worse

In Black and White
In Black and White

This little monster –
I am going to beat it
I won’t let it control me
while it controls me

Sometimes I think about
the yesterdays
and
the tomorrows
and I want to cry
but I don’t cry
but tonight I cried
because tonight I am reminded
of the yesterdays –
of how life used to be
and look like
and smell like
and taste like
and what it felt like

The yesterdays
that were pain free
and shake free
and drool free
and falling free
and stiffness free
and cramping free
and medication free

Maybe I cried
because I forget how real this monster is
and little things remind me
how it is not so small
and I have to accept –
all over again –
this little monster
is now my constant companion
for better
or for worse

and the better
and the worse
are both life-sustaining
as they teach me
the value of living

the value of
a moment
a word
a smile
tears
and giggles
and
people

And I am finding
in the worst
there is be
something better –
and it is in that better
where I will beat this thing
that strives to beat me

it might control my body
but it will not
control me

Keeping What I’ve Got

  Dear Doctor, I’ve come here today

To get a new body, give my old one away

My feet – they stumble

They trip and I fall

And my brain’s becoming sluggish – but that’s not all.

 

My fingers won’t move the way I move them

My arms and legs they shake

You’d think I’d learn

There are no returns

On the parts of our bodies that break.

 

It’s not getting any easier

Other things are going wrong as I speak

Do you think you could do something, 

Somehow, anything

Your expertise is what I now seek.

 

I’ve put in for a new toe or two

The ones I have are not working well

They hurt, they bend

It’s becoming a trend

And hasn’t been too terribly swell.

 

Yet, doctor, you know – I’ve been thinking

About keeping at least my two eyes

They’ve helped me to see 

Incredible things

Like rainbows, the sunset  and  sunrise.

 

And you know – about my hands,

They’ve made so many things

And I’ll keep my voice

(I don’t have a choice),

My grandkids like when their Grammy sings.

 

And then, there are my legs,

They really have been good to me

They carried me here,

They’ve walked me to there

They’ve supported me constantly.

 

And let me not forget my heart

That has beat within every day 

I’ll keep that too

(it’s the least I can do),

For it’s guided me when along life’s way.

.

 

So I guess I’ve changed my mind

And I’ll keep all that God’s given me

I’ll enjoy what I’ve got,

‘Cuz I’ve got quite a lot,

I’m alive, been forgiven, and set free.