Little Monster Loses

I don’t feel very good.

My stomach feels nauseous

because my head hurts,

and my head hurts because

I can’t stop gritting my teeth,

which only adds to the stiffness

in my neck,

which makes my back hurt more,

which makes me want to yell,

“ENOUGH ALREADY!”

 

but

I am not going to yell

for who would I yell to, anyhow?

 

It’s all part of Little Monster’s plan:

 

Pick an innocent bystander.

Get inside their head.

Turn the knob on the basal ganglia a quarter of a turn.

It won’t take much –

it’s a small, little, tiny thing.

Yet…

in that oh-so-small, little, tiny thing

lies the key to Little Monster’s plan.

The plan to take over your life.

To put a stop to

the production of dopamine cells.

No one knows

how Little Monster enters.

No one knows

which knob he turns

in his quest to rule your body.

But it works.

Production has stopped –

or at least slowed –

and you begin to feel different.

Strange.

Off-balance.

You stumble.

You shake.

Your movements no longer belong to you.

You begin to take a pill for this.

And then you take a pill for that.

And before you know it,

you have a handful.

You wonder why you’re sad

and then all of a sudden you’re not.

And when you’re not

you wonder why you ever were.

And it goes around

and around

and around.

Your toes curl in

your legs cramp up

and your hands and arms

take part in the plan

and you are left

feeling pain

and disfigurement

and despair

and loss.

And you grieve

for what was

for what could have been

for what is now.

But —

then you have

a good day.

A day with sunshine

although hidden

behind the clouds.

You see the rays break through

and you turn your face toward them,

just to soak in the healing warmth.

And they do warm you.

They warm the muscles

from your head

to your toes

and

you feel like

you just might

make it through another day,

because Little Monster

has gone to sleep.

He cannot overcome

the one

who decides

to overcome him.

And —

we can all overcome

if we put one shaky foot

in front of the other

take another step,

and smile.

Because that’s one

thing Little Monster didn’t count on…

to see a beautiful smile

on a face he turned to stone.

Eating This or That

You can’t eat this, and you shouldn’t eat that –
there are a thousand different opinions you see,
of what to eat and what not to drink
from the medical forces to those with PD.

They tell you to stay away from milk –
it’s no good for you, you see –
even though you’re supposed to be upping
your intake of good-for-you vitamin D.

So – no more dipping Oreos.
no more ice cream or chocolate chip milkshakes
Only cereal that’s dry because you can’t have milk
on those Cheerios nor on those corn flakes.

And cereal, did you know, specifically Honeynut Cheerios
has four different types of sugar hiding inside its bag?
Yep – brown sugar, sugar, corn syrup, and caramel –
enough to send up several red flags.

Could the doctors be in this together?
Telling us what we can and what we cannot eat?
Why – they’re giving and getting reports of studies conducted
As to whether we should even meat.

Some say go ahead and indulge
Others say moderation and good choices are best.
While others will tell you to double up on kale,
Fresh broccoli, spinach and the rest.

So you try to choose something tasty,
Put it on your plate and pretend to enjoy chowing down.
Still, there’s only so much you can take,
as you partake of it while wearing a frown.

Simply named, I call it the ” PD Diet” –
guaranteed to help you maybe get a bit healthier .
While one doc says how great it will work,
Another cannot be one percent sure.

Dr. So and So says to leave the milk alone,
“It could cause pneumonia, down in your lungs, you see.”
And Dr. What’s His Name says cut out all bread
While Dr. Who’s It says regarding that bread,
“Go ahead and have two or three!”

Some doctors believe the consumption of protein
is okay if eaten at the right time of day –
not before a meal and not after as well
I say just forget it and have an avocado purée.

They’ll tell you to eat the dark chicken meat –
it’s easier to swallow as the stringy white kind.
Now, since I don’t care for dark, I guess I’ll skip both
and see if there might be something else I can find.

No added sugars in this PD diet as well
So I guess cookies are out of the question, too.
Cakes and pies are off the board
Anything pastry, flaky, and yummy just won’t do.

Beans, beans and more magical beans
Some more green stuff mixed in there too
Chew well, eat slowly, smaller bites will help
Lots of water will help wash down the goo.

This PD diet is just a tad bit facetious,
but tell me – what’s a body to do?
When I have one doctor tell me one thing
while another says differently,
It gets me craving a slice of cake or two!

 

 

 

 

 

Stuck

I sit here

feeling
stuck

in my head
in this body

stuck

not comfortable
or in control
to write
to read
to walk
to drive
to do
much of
anything
but wanting
to do something

no say
in how I feel
so life can feel
like nothing

sometimes