Some Days

Some days are okay
some days are not

Some days

I just get so tired
of this little monster
following me around
telling me I’m a burden
telling me I’m losing it
telling me I’m not going to get any better

Telling me
shouting to me
that some days
are not okay
that those some days
will someday
come to an end

And I know that
and tears
begin to fall

But some days
are okay

I tell myself
I’m not a burden
that some day
it will end
but not today

Today I will live
to the fullest I can
today I will listen
to the Voice
that beckons me
to not be afraid of this valley
and it’s casting shadows
and to trust
in the One who holds me –
the One who silences
this little monster
and tells me
that some day
it will be over
and that is the day
I will be home

Changing My Mind

Dear Doctor, I’ve come here today

To get a new body, give my old one away
My feet – they stumble
They trip and I fall
And my brain’s becoming sluggish – but wait! that’s not all.

My fingers won’t move the way I move them
My arms and legs they shake
You’d think I’d learn
There are no returns
On the parts of our bodies that quit or that break.

It’s not getting any easier
Other things are going wrong as I speak
Do you think you could do something,
Somehow, anything
Your expertise is what I now seek.

I’ve put in for a new toe, maybe two
The ones I have are not working so well
They hurt and they bend
It’s becoming quite a trend
And hasn’t been too terribly swell.

Yet, doctor, you know – I’ve been thinking
About keeping at least my two eyes
They’ve helped me to see
Such Incredible things
Like rainbows, the sunset  and  sunrise.

And you know – about my two hands,
They’ve crafted so many artsy things
And, oh yes, I’ll keep my voice
(For I don’t have a choice),
‘Cuz the grandkids like it when their Grammy sings.

And then, there are my two legs,
They really have been good to me
They’ve carried me here,
They’ve walked me to there
They’ve supported me constantly.

And let me not forget my heart
That has beat within on every new day
I’ll keep that too
(it’s the least I can do),
For it’s guided me when along life’s way.

So Doc, about that new, super cool body –
I guess I’ll keep all that God’s given to me
I’ll enjoy what I’ve got (‘cuz I’ve got quite a lot),
After all, I’ll soon be getting one
that will last for eternity.

Parkinson’s Disease: For Better or Worse

In Black and White
In Black and White

This little monster –
I am going to beat it
I won’t let it control me
while it controls me

Sometimes I think about
the yesterdays
and
the tomorrows
and I want to cry
but I don’t cry
but tonight I cried
because tonight I am reminded
of the yesterdays –
of how life used to be
and look like
and smell like
and taste like
and what it felt like

The yesterdays
that were pain free
and shake free
and drool free
and falling free
and stiffness free
and cramping free
and medication free

Maybe I cried
because I forget how real this monster is
and little things remind me
how it is not so small
and I have to accept –
all over again –
this little monster
is now my constant companion
for better
or for worse

and the better
and the worse
are both life-sustaining
as they teach me
the value of living

the value of
a moment
a word
a smile
tears
and giggles
and
people

And I am finding
in the worst
there is be
something better –
and it is in that better
where I will beat this thing
that strives to beat me

it might control my body
but it will not
control me

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