Oh Soul

another day
another handful of pills
another day masked with pain

shaking
tripping over my own two feet
choking on nothing
being told to speak up
being told to ‘Smile!’
wanting to scream

they think I can do better
they think I don’t try hard enough

they’re wrong

I am
doing my best

trying hard
to maintain
to hang in there
but
some days

are bad days

the shadows of despair
they cling to my heels

darkness clamors
for my joy
seeking to destroy

happiness
is beckoning me to
come

to give up

to give in

to the pain
that wreaks havoc within soul
and body

oh soul,
disheartened spirit
despairing heart

I will
rest in His arms

wait patiently for Him

so that I might
boast in Him

of His goodness
His faithfulness

the afflicted will hear
be delivered
from their fears
happy is the one
who makes You
his refuge
his shelter
his strength

For Better or For Worse

This little monster –

I am going to beat it

I won’t let it control me
while it controls me

Sometimes I think about
the yesterdays
and
the tomorrows

and I want to cry

but I don’t cry

but tonight I cried

because tonight I am reminded

of the yesterdays –

of how life used to be
and look like
and smell like
and taste like
and what they felt like –

those yesterdays

they were pain free
and shake free
and drool free
and falling free
and stiffness free
and cramping free
and medication free

Maybe I cried

because I forget how real this monster is

and little things remind me

how it is not so small

and I have to accept –

all over again –

how this little monster

is now my constant companion

for better
or for worse

and the better
and the worse
are both life-sustaining

as they teach me

the value of living

the value of
a moment
a word
a smile
tears
and giggles

and people

and I am finding
in the worst
there is
something better –

and it is in that better
where I will beat this thing

that strives to beat me

it might control my body
but it will not
control me