What Good Is A Man in Your Bed if He Can’t Remember Anything?

They say laughter is the best medicine. Here are some caregiving stories that I have tweeted a tad (names and such) and are guaranteed to give you some much needed ‘medicine’…

Mary’s mom lived in an assisted care facility where everyone left their doors open 24/7. One man with Alzheimer’s was restless and walked the halls endlessly.

On one visit, Mary’s mother mentioned that the man had tried to crawl into bed with her one night.

Mary asked her mother, “What did you do?!”

She told Mary that he was in the wrong room and he left. Then she added, “What good is a man in your bed if he can’t remember anything?”

*****

Lisa’s mom was about in mid stages of Alzheimer’s, and Lisa could still take her mom for rides in her car.

On one such ride, they were doing work on the road, and a guy was holding a stop sign that he would turn to ‘SLOW’, allowing cars to pass.

When Lisa and her mom were approaching the man with the sign, he had turned the sign to ‘STOP.’  In disgust, her mother stated, “That’s ridiculous!!!

Lisa asked, “Why Mama?”

Her mother replied, “Back in my day, they cemented those signs in the ground! They didn’t have to stand there all day and hold them!”

***

One day, after Susan’s grandmother asked where Grandpa was for the umpteenth time, Susan’s dad teased her grandmother with, “He ran off with a pretty, young blonde.”

The grandmother’s instant response was, “Well, I hope he remembers what they’re for!”

***

Anne once cared for a man who had “sundowners” and he roamed through the house at night in the nude. Anne awoke one night to find him roaming around the house in the nude, except that he was wearing a kitchen apron, complete with a pretty bow he had tied in the back.

She told him he looked cute and when Anne asked him why he put it on, he said, “Because I was cold.”

A Slithering Snake, A Two Year Old, and His Grammy

Today I filled in my little pond. You would think I would have learned my lesson years ago, but no. Not me. And I filled in this pond for the very same reason I filled in my pond 25 years ago when I lived in California. Snakes.

I hate snakes. They slither and they are slimy and sneaky and I don’t care for them one bit. But about a week ago, I forgot about my dislike for snakes. I forgot they get thirsty as they slither along on the rocky pathways of your backyard. And, I forgot they like little bite-size fish.

So, my two year old grandson and his mom and I went to the pet store to buy some little orange goldfish to put in our newly made pond. Because I would do anything that makes my two year old grandson smile. We put them in the water as soon as we got home as the plastic bag they were in was just about to lose its contents from ‘somebody’s’ finger having put three holes in the bag in an attempt to capture and really ‘hold’ the fish.

They all seemed fine in their new home. Until the next morning. There were only 7 out of 8 left. I wrote it off to two-year-old induced traumatic circumstances. By the end of the first week, there was one left and on that day – today – is when I saw it. The snake. All three plus feet of it slithering from the pond toward the back gate and way too close to my two year old grandson who was trying to figure out how to turn on the sprinkler. I ran and grabbed my grandson as I screamed for my husband to get outside ASAP, no – NOW! As he rounded the corner, I saw he was barefoot and I screeched at him to not come down the stairs. I didn’t care what the neighbors were thinking right about now. My husband was probably wondering how I could all of a sudden be so loud given I have PD. It’s the speech therapy, dear. And the slithering snake.

As soon as I saw my grandson was safe, I went for my shovel. The sharpest one I had. I asked my husband what kind of snake he thought it was, pointing out it had no rattlers but it sure resembled a rattler. I’ve heard that baby rattlers didn’t always have their baby rattles yet, but I was pretty certain it wasn’t a baby considering it was over four feet long.

I ran around the raspberries to get on the other side of the direction he was slithering toward and stopped him as he watched for my next move. I raised the shovel to which he raised his head and stuck his tongue out. Well, no one sticks their tongue out at me and survives. Except my two year old grandson.

I raised the shovel and before that five foot snake could think about what to do, I brought the blade down in back of his head. He kept moving. I was sure I got him but it didn’t seem so, so I worked at it. And I worked at it and I worked at it some more until, despite his wiggling, I was certain he had met his demise via my dull bladed shovel. I met my fear in the form of a six foot snake and walked away victorious, my grandson safe.

As I sat thinking about this event, a light went on in my little dopamine deprived brain. Could it be that God loves us like a Grammy loves her two year old grandson? That He will do anything and risk life and limb to rid backyards of sly, sneaky enemies, such as seven feet snakes, just because He loves us that much? Silly, I know. But the part that really hit me was when I was attempting to rid the backyard of potential danger against my grandson and the more it wriggled and hissed, the more determined I was to make sure that eight foot python would not return. And that is exactly what God does. He will not stop until we all realize only He is God. Only He can rid the world of the sneaky, lying, slithering serpents that would love to devour us. But it’s our choice whether to believe He will, and then let Him handle the battle.

I don’t know about you but I have fought enough seven foot snakes to last my lifetime. But, I’d do it again if it meant keeping my grandson safe.

In a heart beat.

Random Tidbits

Yellow Aster Photo by Sherri Woodbridge
Yellow Aster
Photo by Sherri Woodbridge

With costs soaring at the speed of light, it’s important to cut back where you can. If you want to cut back on electricity, keep your lights turned off and wear a miner’s hat while walking around the house. With the extra money you save, you’ll be able to put it toward the rising cost of your heating bill this winter.

Another way to save is to push your car to work every day. This will not only help get you in better shape, but will undoubtedly attract goodwill from those passing by and allow them the opportunity to do a random act of kindness for you by buying you some gas. Everybody wins.

Sometimes we don’t know what to do with those old telephone books, but they actually make great personal address books. Just cross out the names of the people you don’t know and voile – your personal directory is ready for use!

In terms of safety, it is strongly advised to not attempt to fasten your shoe laces while in a revolving door.

If your car is in need of new brakes and you don’t have the money right now, inquire how much it would be to have the horn made louder.

Some tidbit of advice. No need to thank me. They’re recycled.