The following quotes were taken from Electronic Medical Records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting. Enjoy and, it’s okay to laugh outloud. It’s good for you!!! -sherri
She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night
The patient has no past history of suicides
The patient refused an autopsy
The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December
Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital
The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious
The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints
Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency
A neighbour of a newly wed couple was worried when she didn’t hear her rather noisey neighbours for a while. A few days later, she peered through their letterbox and through the windows. But there was no sign of anyone. Concerned for the young couple, she called the police. The officers promptly broke down the door, then searched the house. Only to find the young women gagged and tied to the bed. Her husband was lying unconscious on the floor, wearing a Superman Outfit. They later explain that they had been engaged in a superhero role-playing fantasy, and the costumed husband had knocked himself out attempting to jump onto his wife from atop the dresser. Of course, the woman was unable to help him!