What Good Is A Man in Your Bed if He Can’t Remember Anything?

They say laughter is the best medicine. Here are some caregiving stories that I have tweeted a tad (names and such) and are guaranteed to give you some much needed ‘medicine’…

Mary’s mom lived in an assisted care facility where everyone left their doors open 24/7. One man with Alzheimer’s was restless and walked the halls endlessly.

On one visit, Mary’s mother mentioned that the man had tried to crawl into bed with her one night.

Mary asked her mother, “What did you do?!”

She told Mary that he was in the wrong room and he left. Then she added, “What good is a man in your bed if he can’t remember anything?”

*****

Lisa’s mom was about in mid stages of Alzheimer’s, and Lisa could still take her mom for rides in her car.

On one such ride, they were doing work on the road, and a guy was holding a stop sign that he would turn to ‘SLOW’, allowing cars to pass.

When Lisa and her mom were approaching the man with the sign, he had turned the sign to ‘STOP.’  In disgust, her mother stated, “That’s ridiculous!!!

Lisa asked, “Why Mama?”

Her mother replied, “Back in my day, they cemented those signs in the ground! They didn’t have to stand there all day and hold them!”

***

One day, after Susan’s grandmother asked where Grandpa was for the umpteenth time, Susan’s dad teased her grandmother with, “He ran off with a pretty, young blonde.”

The grandmother’s instant response was, “Well, I hope he remembers what they’re for!”

***

Anne once cared for a man who had “sundowners” and he roamed through the house at night in the nude. Anne awoke one night to find him roaming around the house in the nude, except that he was wearing a kitchen apron, complete with a pretty bow he had tied in the back.

She told him he looked cute and when Anne asked him why he put it on, he said, “Because I was cold.”

When God says “Wait”

Sometimes life is hard to understand. Sometimes it is difficult to understand why God says ‘Wait‘.

I’m not sure I like that word. Actually, I am sure. I do not like the word wait. I’d rather hear the word ‘no’ so that I can at least move on. But ‘wait‘? You’re stuck in limbo. You have to take a seat, sit down, trust and… wait.

I’m a pretty patient person. I don’t run red lights (intentionally). I don’t try and finish other people’s sentences. But when it comes to certain things, I find my patience running on low.

My family found itself in a interesting predicament several years back. I am on disability, due to my Parkinson’s disease. My husband was winding down his ministry where he had served for over five years due to the lack of support we had and we both felt it was time to move on. He was trying, unsuccessfully, to find a job.

My oldest son was trying to find a job in Oregon, my daughter was trying to find a job in southern California, and my youngest made a job for himself in the summer doing yard maintenance. But sooner, rather than later, winter hit and he was no longer able to do that and found himself looking for a job, anywhere, alongside the rest of his family.

So while we waited – while they waited for a job and I waited for God to answer my prayers – they had interviews and others were chosen to occupy the positions they would have liked to fill.

And I didn’t understand.

They were (and still are) all hard workers. They were (and still are) all honest. They were all responsible and would have made great employees wherever they were employed. But they were not getting jobs. They continued to fill out applications and make phone calls and knock on doors.

One day my daughter received an email that she didn’t get the job she really was hoping to get. My husband relayed the message to me. Again, I didn’t understand. We believed in a God we could not see, were trying to hold onto a faith that often faltered (speaking for myself), and attempted to remain hopeful while all around us things would appear to be hopeless.

I sat on the stairs and cried out to the Lord, “I just don’t understand. I was on my knees today asking You to bring them jobs and again you said no.”

Now, first of all – a side note on my prayer…

Do I think that just because I prayed my contrite little prayer that it is God’s duty that He answer on that particular day? We are supposed to pray in faith, believing that He will answer. So yes, I believed He would but it also is not His obligation to do my bidding.

I also wanted the best for each of my unemployed family members, but I didn’t want God to answer for my sake if it wasn’t for their good and their best.

Secondly, He didn’t say no, He said… wait.

There was that word again.

In Psalm 37, it says to ‘Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…’

Trust in the Lord.
Do good.
Dwell in the land.
Delight in the Lord.
Commit your way to Him.
Trust in Him.
Be still.
Wait patiently.

Trust is commanded twice in this passage. Perhaps it’s because we have a tendency to falter. At least I do.

Be still. (Easy to do if we’re trusting.)

And then, the whopper… wait patiently.

I found it rather comical when looking up the word ‘wait’ in the Thesaurus. Two phrases that I found to describe it were: hang on and hang around. I had this picture of God saying, “Hang around. The best is yet to come.” But we’re not just to merely hang around, but to hang around patiently. In other words, without complaint.

 

The phone rang and it was my daughter. I didn’t know how I was going to cheer her up when I myself was a wreck. I answered.

“Hey mama,” she greeted cheerfully.

She’s probably trying to disguise her disappointment, I thought.

Being careful not to bring it up unless she did, I said, “So… how’s your day going?”

“Good.” Same cheerfulness. She’s trying to not be down.

“Did dad tell you I didn’t get the job?” she asked.

Here we go. Be strong, mom. Your daughter needs encouragement.

“Yes. I’m so sorry,” I said and almost before I could finish, she responded.

“I’m not. I’ve been praying that God won’t give me a job if it isn’t His best for me and this wasn’t it. He’s got something better.”

l had a lump in my throat. My daughter was just rejected from an employment opportunity that she really wanted and she’s encouraging me.

She went on to say that she had peace about ‘their’ decision. She wondered how God was going to take care of all her school bills, but she knew He would. She wondered where He would send her, but she knew He would. She wondered why it was taking so long for Him to provide, but she knew He’d come through.

With an unshakeable faith, she was trusting in a God she could not see. She was dwelling safely and doing good, committing her plans to His will.

There is a song by Jeremy Camp that is somewhat worded as follows:

Scattered words and empty thoughts
seem to pour from my heart.

I’ve never felt so torn before and it seems
I don’t know where to start.

But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain.

Though questions still fog up my mind and even when answers slowly unwind,
it’s my heart I see you prepare.

And again, I feel your grace fall like rain,
from every fingertip washing away my pain .

The only place I can go is into your arms, where in brokenness,
I throw to you my feeble prayers.

I can see that this was your will for me.
Help me to know that you are near.

I still believe in your faithfulness.
I still believe in your truth.

I still believe in your holy word and even when I can’t see,

I still believe.

 

That song came to my mind after I got off of the phone with her.

Even when I can’t see – when I don’t understand… I still believe.

And so I will wait. Still and again. Patiently. And in the waiting, I thank God for my daughter who could see, through the eyes of faith, that our God had something far better than I could ever understand.