A ConversationWith Me and Leslie: A Glimpse At Life with PD by Judy Hensley

Judy – i’m sorry that you going thru a waiting game and not feeling well. when all this start?

Leslie -the colonoscopy is preventative because it runs on both sides of my family and I thought the mammogram was too then they sent me a letter the other day saying I had to go get my old films to compare because they thought I might have something there

(we had discussed meeting each other in the near future at a friend’s place between where we both live, and I urged Leslie to take a needed breatk)

Leslie - I’ve been taking a break I’ve been at home almost every afternoon the last week or so went to see (a fav country music singer) on Saturday. you know how much I love him

Judy – i will most certainly be praying for you.

Leslie - I can’t wait till (another fav country music singer) comes next. I’m sure it’s nothing… they are just being cautious because my mom had breast cancer …hey maybe I’ll get some new ones out of it… lol

Judy- i hope so with all my heart! (hoping that nothing shows on mammogram)

Leslie - mine are a tad saggy these days

Judy- not exactly the way i’d want to go about such a remodeling

Leslie -I’m just sick of going to the dr ..you know? if its not PD.. its something else

Judy-i know

Leslie -Lol… a remodeling ..I like that. my stomach is killing me though.. yuck no food today… just water and juice. I feel sick

(I updated Leslie on a family member who is dealing with a cancer treatment and ensuing scan to determine effectiveness)

Leslie -hopefully it will be good news!!! I’ve been going to the beach a lot…. its very therapeutic

Judy-Got to take (family member) to one appt on this week and another one next week…it gets [word removed] so overwhelming at times.

Leslie -like is just a party at the dr’s office isn’t it? life is just a party

Judy-woo hoo

Leslie -sorry I can’t see what I’m typing

Judy-’da coat is in AFRICA now

Leslie -then I have hubby telling me i’ve got to file for disability

Judy-only good thing happening now (refering to The Regulars climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro –see ) do it! (the disability filing)

Leslie -It just seems very overwhelming to me I looked on (another PD online site) and I just couldn’t get started

Judy-what do you mean?

Leslie -It makes it too real…filing for disability…I really don’t know where to start. I think its just I don’t want to start

Judy- talk to (another PD friend who recently filed) …

Leslie -but I find myself just looking at it and thinking I am NOT disabled! I cant even get myself to apply for a handicapped parking sticker

Judy-i know it is so frigin’ stupid

Leslie -there isn’t anyone in my car that is handicapped

Judy-it does not mean you are giving in. can i say something without hurting your feelings?

Leslie -of course I had to leave half way thru the (a recent)concert the other night because my meds got too wet to take and I was so frozen up I could barely walk and the cops kept asking if I was ok. someone finally got us a golf cart to take us out to our car.. now how stupid is that? go ahead..

Judy-DON”T be so

Leslie -vain? lol

Judy-S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that too…lol

Leslie -its a curse I’ve been very vain all my life. Vain –it’s my moms fault she was too. she used to tell me the world did not revolve around my hair if that gives you any indication of how bad I am

Judy-get the permit….half of the dang gone time you can’t find a spot anyway

Leslie -I parked in a space at the beach the other morning and some guy started gripping me out till I got out and could barely walk and I said I had pd and he just said oh and left

Leslie -I was only there for like 5 minutes and it was really early so it wasn’t like I was taking someone’s spot

Judy-People (who don’t understand) are idiots

Leslie -I guess I should just really deal with it face the facts. I don’t even go in the regular restroom stalls anymore because its too hard to get up sometimes got stuck in the bathroom one time had to ask someone who just came in to please go find (hubby) and she did it and held the door for him and everything

Judy-well not all people

Leslie -yeah you do get a few nice ones here and there. some lady at the dr’s office asked me if I had ants in my pants… lol –it was so ridiculous I couldn’t help but laugh

Judy-(A Parkie friend) told me i seem to be worse than when (they last saw me 3 months ago)

Leslie -I’m sorry are you feeling any worse

Judy-not much, just every once in a while

Leslie -I’ve never seen you where you look like you have pd though

Judy-it just kind of confirms what you don’t want to hear…

Leslie -I’m either great or horrible– no in between it seems. I know…(Some of my relatives) keep talking bout disability and I just want to reach over and slap them… isn’t that horrible? They just have no idea how it feels…. I feel like I’m losing everything

Judy- no its being a human with pride trying to cope with losing control

Leslie -no one wants me to drive so I sit around waiting for them to take me places I get so tired of people calling and saying how do you feel today? I just want to yell at them just like I did yesterday and the day before and probably tomorrow ..but who knows? I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m in this mood all of a sudden probably because I haven’t eaten all day… lol

Judy-can i use copy of our conversation in blog …i will not use your name..but people have got to know what it is like

Leslie -I’d really like to have a big bowl of ice cream right now. I don’t care maybe it will help someone understand.

Judy-Oh God.. please help us…please!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’d like to share one with ya right now (a bowl of ice cream)

Leslie -yeah exactly but there again every time (some people) tell me God is gonna heal me I just want to tell them to shut up. I’m sorry I’m being so pessimistic but I feel like its just being realistic I’m probably never gonna get better. We’ll still be waiting for a miracle while all these stupid people in Congress waste money on studies of how manure smells and dumb (things) like that

Leslie -I have to say politics kills me these days and God forbid (some wording omitted here) national healthcare passes– we will definitely be last on the list of people to get help then!

Leslie -then again on my good days I try to think of it as being in the biggest race of my life. It will probably win in the end, but I will try my very very hardest to stay up with it till the very end. It will never get me in my heart and soul it may take my body but that’s all it will get.

Judy-it can take everything else away , but please don’t let it take that one lil part of your spirit that makes you who you are, the part that keeps saying there is HOPE, and

Leslie -I know I know I just need chocolate… lol. faith hope and courage

Judy-that your life is special . so very very special

Leslie -I believe when I go out in the morning or at night and take my pictures I realize how very special life is and how very blessed i am to be surrounded by such beauty and have such a wonderful husband and kids, friends etc.

Judy-true

Leslie -just every now and then it helps to rant to someone who knows what I’m talking about

Judy-so true

Leslie -Because no one around me really does they think they do.. but they don’t

Judy-yeah it’s weird…we’re weird…this illness is weird

Leslie -sometimes I just want to say let me go… I did not sign up for this… why me? but I know you just gotta roll with it because there is nothing else to do except drive yourself crazy over things you cannot control

Judy-because someone watching you will see, and gain strength at just the time they need it. Our kids may need to know how to face life’s crap by the way their momma does.

Leslie -You make the best of what this life has given you. you make your own happiness.. really it is a choice to be happy or sad… to give in …or be a survivor.

Leslie -funny you should say that (my daughter) has on her my space I saw the other day. who do you admire the most… she said my mom …she is the strongest person I know

Judy-i’ll give you a big belly bump, a high five, and another scoop of ice cream on that one friend!

Judy-(Your daughter) gonna be a survivor too!!

Leslie - lol I always tell her: you gotta believe in yourself… You just keep telling yourself: I can do anything anyone else can do & I bet you I can do it better! she better be!! (meaning a survivor too!)

Judy-when someone got Faith in ya, ya can’t lose

Leslie -Well (hubby) just came out and gave me that look.

Judy-ok,

Judy-Thanks (friend)

Leslie -thanks for listening to me (thank me?) for what?

Judy-for sharing and caring, for ranting and

Leslie -being yucky? lol

Judy-being you….you ..da,,,Best! hugs

Leslie -and I don’t like to complain

Judy-now feel better. we never complain, just state the truth…lol

Leslie -ok thanks for the chat. I do complain but it is a very unattractive trait and you know how vain I am ..lol. hugs. -sweet dreams and all that good stuff

Judy-:)

Leslie -nite

Judy-nite